Sanctuary

I didn’t have a say in it

when my dad went into the ministry.

It’s 1979 when I am swept along 

       with boxes

         and shoes

           and books

to Junction City, Kentucky

     from Mississippi’s Pine Belt.

Still south to you

     up north to me.

People talk faster 

     using different words,

       hearing my words as slow 

         and quaint.

Perpetually unlocked, the sanctuary 

     becomes mine during the week.

 Silence towers over my short stature,

     As I pass the long pews, 

       their wood dark and unpadded as they

         stand in rows like soldiers protecting. 

     A bracing moment to break 

       into the silence of the room,

         my first few notes on the piano 

           pierce through, like cracking an egg.

     Then music flows, 

       easy in one moment, 

         dissonant in the next, small

           fingers trip and notes split.

Stained sunlight spills 

     into the elongated room 

       like a colored waterfall 

         keeping me company. 

I didn’t have a say in it.

In 2013, when my body betrayed me.

I lurch into a sanctuary in Ohio, 

     silence towers over me 

       as I pass the long pews, 

         wood dark and unpadded, 

           standing in rows like soldiers protecting.

Stained sunlight spills

     into the elongated room

       like a colored waterfall, witnessing

         tears and fears and so much snot

           spilling out of me, 

             spilling onto the prayer bench 

               under the cross.